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Vodka Tonic

For the record, we need to imbibe a lot of booze before we pick a fight with a 14-year-old girl or remove our pants in the middle of a restaurant. Comedian Chelsea Handler — though quite fond of cocktails — is happy to do those things stone-cold sober, as she demonstrates in her hilarious, refreshing collection of personal essays, Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea (available April 22).

With the wit of Tina Fey and the class of a truck driver, Handler, the host of E!’s Chelsea Lately, spins what could be mundane anecdotes from her past — like dating a redhead — into side-splitting stories that give laughs at someone else’s expense. She seriously considers breaking up with orange-haired Austin when she discovers his “baseball mound of red pubic hair that looked like it had literally been attached with a glue gun.”

Handler, however, reserves the sharpest barbs for her family. She refers to her cranky, obese 75-year-old father as “Bitch Tits” and coins the term “camel balls” after seeing him wear suspenders clipped on to his sweatpants “three inches below his nipples.” Thanks for the image, Chelsea. Pass the vodka.


Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea will be available April 22 from Simon Spotlight Entertainment.